NYC Desi Chat Session

Adam Yauch!  I cannot believe it!  How can he be gone?

I met Adam when I was 15.  I shook his hand.  I was volunteering for the Students for a Free Tibet in Manhattan which Adam supports very much.  Beastie Boys was the first band I ever knew about and saw in concert and the Lollapalooza in Randal’s Island.  Wow!  I just cannot believe this.

Please everyone look at your lives and make it the best you can.  It is short and it should be enjoyed at every moment.  Anything that bothers you try not to let it affect you.  I really want to live life and make it great.  I know that I cannot make everyone happy but I can try to be happy myself and hope for the best. 

Please pray for Adam and I hope the best for his family.  Stay Strong Yauch family!

I just joined Angie’s list.  I am very bad at finding the best people for anything.  I always ask my Mom and I just want to be independent and find the best on my own so the next best thing, I am trying Angie’s List.  Yes it’s not free but it’s only $5 per month if you want everything included and a $10 activation fee.  I can help everyone now with recommendations.  It’s awesome to be the one who knows it all .  I hope it works or else back to asking Mom.

I found my doctor on Angie’s List and I know she is great so that’s a plus!  Let me know if you need any recommendations.  I would love to help!  You might want to check Angie’s List yourself.  I will give you an update if it works out for me.  Otherwise, there will be a negative post on this topic which I hate doing but the public must know the truth!

I need a good Dentist so wish me luck.  If you know a good one in Manhattan then please let me know.  I get so terrified when I go to a new Dentist.  I always feel he/she will break all my teeth or even one is bad.  Getting out my wisdom teeth was terrifying.  My husband has a painful wisdom tooth which he is avoiding to take out.  I hope he does instead of baring the pain I remember taking on.  That hurts but I had to take out all 4 so that’s a lot worse.

Let’s help each other out.  Any good Dentist recomendations in Manhattan out there?

I have noticed that I tend to pray a lot when I really need something good to happen.  The worse the situation or the more I want something the more I pray.  I feel really bad about this.  I feel a bit selfish to keep asking but not giving without asking.  I should pray even when I do not need anything.  I do pray and thank god when things are semi-good but not when they are the best.  I tend to forget about God when things are going great.

Do you feel this way?

What do you do when things are going bad in your life or are just harder than usual?

What makes you feel better?

It seems to me that women like myself tend to have issues being assertive.  A lot of this comes from being sensitive about what others think and what they will say about your behavior and the way you speak.  I am constantly getting negative feedback from family and managers at work in the past that I should not have said this or I should not have done that.  Having such negative feedback constantly makes me not want to say much and not take much action with things since I always get a negative response and I am so sensitive that it affects me so much.  That’s it, I am done being affected by what others say.  I know this is so much easier said than done.  I started with this yesterday when I spoke to someone on the phone who sounded like he was yelling at me or at least being very aggressive with what he wanted me to do and as a result I spoke in an equally strong tone but intelligently by telling him what he should do to make the situation better while at the same time I will look into what he was saying for me to do.  I am really not going to do what he said since I think he is totally giving me his responsibility and not taking responsibility of what he is being paid for. 

Don’t you just hate it when people you pay good money to don’t do the job you ask them to do and then in return tell you tasks to do?  Unreal, I can’t believe the nerve some people have.  It makes my blood boil!  Well the guy calmed down after he heard my strong tone and listened to what I had to say which was a balanced response for things we both need to do.  The conversation was over right there.  I like the solution and response I gave which was assertive and strong but balanced at the same time.  My husband was hearing me on the phone, he obviously did not hear the guy on the other side of the phone, and said to me later than I should not have responded that way.  Of course I got affected.  I went out to do something and came back after an hour and he mentioned it again that I didn’t respond well.  I said to my husband that I said the right thing and I am very happy with how I dealt with the situation.  That was the end of it and I still feel really good about it.

In the end, we all need to realize that there is no right or wrong way of doing things.  It’s all about getting the results you are looking for.  It’s easy to criticize and make comments about how others are doing things but it’s very hard to actually implement an action to get the result you are looking for.  It takes practice and skill.  I might have not handled the situation in the best way possible but it is definitely better than just getting upset with the other person and not doing anything resolve the issue.  No one should be taken advantage of!

I am sure some men feel this way too.  What are your experiences in lack of assertiveness?  Have you tried this technique before?

I have a male friend who is really nice and has the typical problem of a single guy in his 30′s.  Arjun has been dating and searching for a woman to spend the rest of his life with who he can take home to his family and have fun with.  Don’t we all want that kind of spouse?  Arjun is a great guy and he just wants to find that right person but he is just not finding that “good girl”. 

How is a “good girl” defined?  Well, think about it, no guy wants a boring, typical Indian girl who only knows how to cook and clean.  A guy wants to marry a girl who looks like a homely woman and takes care of his family but at the same time fulfills all of his desires and is fun to explore life with.  That is the norm for ages.  The “good girl” phrase is just an image that needs to be maintained for family and outsiders.  For the guy, a fun and adventurous girl is definitely desired.

What is your take on this?  Is there such a girl out there to connect with Arjun?  Respond with your opinions and if you are interested.  I would love to help my friend Arjun since he is a really great guy.

It is quite negative and harsh sometimes how life can be viewed.  For the passed 6 months, I have thought of my life as “An operation without anaesthesia”.  I think that’s the perfect phrase for it.  No cusioning, no sugar coating, just harsh, real life without any softening. 

Some parts of your life is joyous and beautiful which makes a person not appreciate that someone might be causing this happiness for you or should be commended for their kindness towards you.  However, when horrible things happen to you, we are always ready to blame and get angry.  I tend to pray more and cry more.  I feel bad about praying for things when I should be praying even when things are going well.  I should not be so greedy.  I need to be more generous and realize when things are good in life as well.

I wish I had some Anaesthesia…my life seems to have temporarily ran out of it.  I hope I get some soon.

Shopping is my most favorite thing to do.  I know it’s so bad.  If you check out the Wedding section you can tell I love shopping.  There was so much shopping in India for my wedding last year as you can see in some of the posts.  It was amazing but exhausting.  I will never forget it.  It was great! 

My husband says that it was such a waste with all those clothes that he thinks I will never where.  He does not realize that I will every single one till the day I die .  They are so pretty and I would never waste a single one.  I have already worn at least 8 outfits in the last 10 months.  That’s pretty good considering I live in Manhattan and not India.  I am sure I would have covered almost all of them if I was living in India.  I definitely am planning to wear them more than once.  I am not one of those once I wear it I never will again types.  I have never worn saris before my wedding and now I have so many.  They are very pretty actually once you figure out how to wear them.  It takes practice but they are very beautiful and feminine. 

I suggest to buy the best but be smart about how much you spend.  It does not hurt to splurge every now and then but if you splurge all the time then you will not appreciate what you have.  Also, I have no space in my Manhattan apartment .  I hate to get rid of anything so you can just imagine how many clothes I have.  My husband is the total opposite.  I wish he dressed up a bit more.  He is so hot when he does .  The perfect man in a suit.  Amazing!

Have fun shopping!  or Not!

Have you thought about going to therapy?  Wondering if it helps?

I used to dread the idea of therapy.  I went to therapy for a few years as a kid because of my parent’s divorce I was forced by the court to see a psychiatrist.  What a mess!  I hated it and I just was so mad at my parents to have made me do this.  Since then I said to myself that I will never go to therapy again.  After years and years of thinking about it and dreading it, I always knew deep inside that the psychiatrist I met as a kid helped me open up and speak my thoughts without fear.  The therapist taught me that talking about my thoughts and problems is a healthier way to be.  That’s why I always talk about what my issues are and discuss problems.  I do not want to have any internal mental problems.  That is so much harder to resolve.  Just recently I have started therapy again.  I should have started a long time ago.  I probably could have made things easier for myself if I did.  My ego and fear messed things up for me.  My therapist tells me about how others around me are thinking and why they do what they do.  I would have never thought that and would have never understood such things.  It’s really an eye opener and I really prevent myself from make the same mistakes over and over again.  I am learning how to control myself and how to deal with my husband better.  I still have a long way to go but I think I am on the right track.

Don’t be afraid to try therapy.  It is helpful and useful.

What are your thoughts on therapy?

A few weeks ago during Holy week, Easter week, I went to church on Palm Sunday for the first time.  It was an amazing experience.  I am not Christian, Catholic, nor Jewish but I feel that if a person has a good heart and believes there is a higher being out there who guides and can help us then they are welcome in any church.  I attended the ceremony and it was beautiful.  What a wonderful experience.  At one point, you shake people’s hands around you and say, “Peace be with you”.  How wonderful to say that to people and hear others say that to you.  I felt such joy in me at this moment and after.  It was a joyous experience that touched me so deeply.  It’s amazing what a few words from someone can do for you.  Everyone who attended received a plain chip that was blessed by the priest.  That is so special and glorious.  I went to St. Patrick’s cathedral a few more times that week and had such a gloriously, peaceful week. 

You should do what helps you and sometimes we do not know what it is that makes us happy.  Try different things, don’t be afraid to try.  You never know when you might just find that one thing that helps you in the most profound way.

Have you had such an experience?  Please share with us.

Living in Manhattan, a city where people keep to themselves and mind their own business, how do we interact with our neighbors?

Most Manhattanites live in apartments or townhouses where they have neighbors.  I do see neighbors who have kids end up getting to know each other and become friends because of their kids.  That makes sense because kids need other kids to play with and what easier than to play with your neighbor.  Single people who work 12+ hour days and go out with friends when not working are usually not home much other than to sleep.  They would not have time to socialize and acquaint themselves with their neighbor.  Also, most neighbors who do not have much in common with the Single life are usually jealous of Singles and end up keeping their distance.  So sad if you ask me.  Singles usually want to be hookedup or married and people in relationships want to be single…no one is happy (that’s another post conversation).

I have been living in Manhattan for 6 years now.  I am a “to myself” type of person.  I like my privacy and to not be bothered with small talk.  I am married and have a neighbor who is single.  It’s so funny how I first met my neighbor.  I used to go to the NYSC gym a lot in our neighborhood and in the summer I joined an exercise class which my neighbor also joined.  I did not realize she was my neighbor until she introduced herself and I could not figure out why she was acting like she knew me.  Then I realized she is my neighbor.  So odd but true.  I am also one of the typical Manhattanites who does not make an effort to get to know my neighbors.  All of the parents with kids on my floor know each other and are friendly with each other.  Go figure .

What’s your neighbor story?